Facebook "crash" causes "real-life" issues

Around 3 pm (EST) on Thursday, Facebook crashed. 'DNS Server Error messages' displayed instead of a homepage and America freaked out. Many people were forced to work and others forced out of work for the two hour and change hiatus. Marty Swan, a 53-year old farmer, complains that he lost "hundreds of thousands of crops" during the blackout. "My Farm on Farmville was decimated by the crash of Facebook. The damage is irreparable. I couldn't harvest my crops....this is harvest time. I really don't know how I will be able to continue on with this for a living now. I've gotta eat and my family does too. This is terrible. I might as well go back to MySpace". Crops weren't the only thing affected by the blackout, the worst since the East Coast blackout in August of 2003, according to Swan.

Sidney Ponson (not the former pitcher from Aruba) said the crash caused a few awkward encounters in the "real world". Ponson, unemployed, but with an active social life said he "friend requested this girl", but had yet to see her response to his request when he ran into her at the local deli during the Facebook crash. "I ran into her at the counter and didn't know if I should talk to her and say Hi, since I didn't know if she ignored my request or if because of the crash she just never saw my friend request. So, I just turned the other way and pretended to read the newspaper. This crash could have cost me a chance to get laid this weekend. Damn, Zuckerberg". Zuckerberg would be the founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg.

Others were forced to actually work during Thursday Afternoon's crash. Bill Buehler, a truck driver from Billings, Montana, said he was "forced to pay attention to driving and being safe" on our nation's highways. "I always check out Facebook while on the road, usually while driving. I poke my cousin and poke the woman I'm sleeping with, but yesterday there was none of that. I don't know how some people can do it, man. Driving and just paying attention and stuff. Not for me, man...not for me!".

Unlikely Duo Plan Mayoral Campaign

A plan to run for public office conceived while on a charity booze cruise is never a good idea, unless you win. That is exactly what two thirty-somethings plan to do in two years. "The cruise may have lasted only three hours, but this idea will last a lifetime" said Bentley Potter, a local family business outcast who will be joining forces with long-time close friend Timothy "Timmah" Begnal, who sells cars and as he puts it "Lots of them!". I sat down with these two at a local bowling alley to discuss their plans for their upcoming run.

Potter, clad in a Dunder Mifflin terry cloth robe and flip-flops, throws a first frame two and walks back seemingly bothered to sit next to me. "I honestly have no idea how to bowl...can't even dress myself in the morning. Now Tim, (gesturing over towards the car dealer) he is a salesman. I think we'll walk into office with that quality, unless I need knee replacement at 33...then I would wheel into office." Begnal turns around with a thumbs up and proceeds to throw a crisp strike. The two then meet mid-way and with an elongated "yes", high five each other. If I didn't know any better, I would say these two are an old married couple and not two friends running for public office. "It was really a spur of the moment thing. The boat was coming back to port and I noticed two homeless men fighting over a block of cheese. I thought, I need to do something about this city. Bont (Potter) and me instantly said that we need to do something about this now. This is our home city." When it was pointed out that Begnal lives in Hurley and Potter in the Town of Ulster, Potter then looked at his running mate deadpan and said "You know what I haven't had in a while.....Big League Chew!"  It was at this point that I realized this duo has no business running for any office, let alone the top position for the City. Bentley, who plays the Saxophone, would rather talk about his football playing days. He mentions how running for Mayor would be a lot like when he was a Quarterback. When asked where he played Football, he replied "I never played Football". I would have left the interview right there, but I was intrigued. "Look, it's all about 2012. Kingston needs a change of the guard. And to be honest, I imagine that I would get laid.....a lot!" Begnal, who is wearing a Blue ringer tee that reads "Protect Your Nuts", agrees and says "We aren't doing this for publicity. If we were, we would of announced this on the booze cruise that night and started screaming that this boat was going down like the Titanic!" "Too soon" replies Potter who then checks out the waitress at the alley restaurant. "He has a thing for women in the service industry" quips Begnal.

I thought to end the interview with one last relevant question about their upcoming campaign. I wanted them both to describe themselves with one word that would relate to the people who would potentially vote for them. Begnal quickly shouts out "Sincere Apologist". Potter smirks and responds, "Cocksmith".

Whatever you do...Vote for this pair in 2012!